Everywhere I turn I am hearing it. From online Bible studies to recorded sermons to parents with good intentions, people are saying, “Do not fear.” In this time of overwhelming disaster of global proportions, Christians are stating, “Fear not.” This phrase is then usually followed by the thought that as believers we shouldn’t be anxious or fearful because we trust in Jesus.

When we say to others they should not fear, we are saying there’s a right way to feel, and fear is not it. We are conveying that what you are feeling is wrong. And what we are often implying, without realizing, is if you are feeling fear, you are not being strong in your faith.

I think it’s well intentioned, but this can leave others not only trying to overcome fear, but now guilt as well.

I am a Christian leader, and I have felt fear. Not because I don’t have a strong faith in God or a deep-seated belief in the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit, but because I do – to both. I have felt fear because our world is in chaos right now as this global pandemic is taking lives at such a rapid pace. So rapid in fact, that New York City had to bring in trailers at one point to hold the deceased.

I have felt fear because our son-in-law is a doctor who was testing on the front lines in Chicago and our daughter, his wife, is asthmatic and has had pneumonia twice. I have felt fear because our grandson is on a nebulizer treatment (which started before the pandemic). I have felt fear because our son lives with an immune deficiency. And I have felt fear from seeing people dying alone in hospitals without their loved ones nearby. What a tragic ending for so many families. Yes, I am a church leader, and I have felt fear.

Mostly, I have allowed myself to feel fear because Jesus showed me it’s okay to feel fear. We often forget that Jesus was FULLY human, as well as fully God, so as death drew near, he too felt afraid. On the night he was betrayed, he went to the Garden of Gethsemane to pray because of his fear. He told his friends he was deeply grieved over what was coming, the known and the unknown. Then he asked the Father if it was possible to let this cup pass from him.

One of the most beautiful aspects about Jesus, described by Peter, is the fact that Jesus had no deceit found in his mouth. Some might say it meant he didn’t lie or tell an untruth, but I would also add that he didn’t feel an untruth. What he said he felt, and what he felt he said. He lived an authentic life with a singleness of heart; there wasn’t a division between what he felt and what he spoke. He shared honestly and openly, and because he was distressed over his upcoming death, he said so. He not only felt his feelings, but he expressed them as well.

It is right to express our feelings, not only feelings of love and joy, but also feelings of fear.

So, what can we say when others are feeling fearful? We can let them know their fear can be normal. We can assure them that even Jesus felt fear. We can pray with them, drawing them into the Father’s presence, and most of all, we can encourage them to take their feelings directly to the Father.

Contrary to the thoughts of many, it is actually by acknowledging our true feelings with the Lord, including our fears, that our faith goes deep and gives way to trust. We see this modeled time and time again by David throughout his psalms, and we see this in the conversation Jesus had with the Father in the garden.

Sharing our honest feelings with the Father invites Him into our struggles and opens our heart to hear His truth. He doesn’t tell us we shouldn’t fear because of our trust in Him. He shares His truth why we don’t have to fear. It’s the same reason He gave others throughout the scriptures. We don’t have to fear because He is near. It isn’t about our faith, but God’s faithfulness. He reassures us He is with us. Emmanuel.

Expressing our fear to the Lord doesn’t necessarily change the circumstance, but it can shift our paradigm to a place of peace. I have experienced this in my own life, and we see this in the stance Jesus took in the garden. He went from asking the Father to let the cup pass to surrendering to the Father’s will. He was able to say, “Thy will be done,” all because he acknowledged his fear. May we encourage others to be like Jesus and do likewise.

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear” Ps 46:1-2a.

In this social media driven society, should we always share everything with everybody? Is Reality TV the lay of the land, or should we have filters for authenticity, vulnerability and transparency?

In answering questions like these, there is one source that can give us much greater insight than Google, and his name is Jesus. While on earth, Jesus not only came to restore our relationship with God, but to model life for us here in God’s kingdom.

In looking at Jesus’ life and reviewing the short, yet impactful, story of the Garden of Gethsemane (Matthew 26:36-46), I believe we can find answers to the questions above.

In this passage, we see three distinct groups Jesus directly related to: his outer circle (a group of twelve), his inner circle (a group of three) and his audience of One (his relationship with the Father).

To his outer circle, Jesus told them, “Stay here while I pray.” He was open and honest about his actions and intentions. He told them about the bread and wine representing his body and blood, and he shared about the hard days ahead. He was being authentic, especially about his need to pray in that moment. Authenticity is being real and true to who we are with everyone. God doesn’t want us to speak lies, but He doesn’t want us to live them either. Being authentic is living and leading from our true self, not our false self. It’s not trying to measure up to look good, be good, do good, but living out of a place of humility and truth of who we really are.

As Jesus walked on further, he invited his inner circle to make this journey with him. He began to share his deep feelings of anxiety and distress. He told them about the sorrow and grief that was encircling his soul and feeling crushed from the thought of his bleak days ahead. He was being vulnerable, very vulnerable. Vulnerability is being completely honest with others and being able to share our deep feelings and struggles without fear of condemnation or retribution. Our circle of vulnerability is usually comprised of those who will speak truth to us in love.

After Jesus asked his inner circle to keep watch and wait with him, he leaned in to converse with his audience of One, our heavenly Father. He stretched out in front of Him in prayer and spoke his deepest thoughts, “Is there any way this fate can pass from me?” In this intimate time of communion, he was free to question. Free to doubt. Free to express fear for what lay ahead. Free to be transparent. In a transparent relationship, there is nothing hidden that remains hidden. We are free to put everything on the table. Things we are willing to face and tough things we’d rather forget. Like the relationship Jesus had with the Father, our transparent relationship is where we find our greatest source of strength. We can share everything with Him, knowing we are totally and completely loved, trusting that God always has our best interest at heart. “Not my will, but yours.”

Sometimes, we can cause more damage than good by sharing everything with everybody. As we come to understand the difference between authenticity, vulnerability and transparency, we can better discern what is appropriate to post on social media or discuss with others. I have often used these words synonymously in the past, but as I reread the passage about Jesus’ final hours in the garden, I now realize how important it is to understand the difference. We are to be authentic with all, vulnerable with a few and totally transparent with the One.