by Katie Harding on July 27, 2018

I wish I could tell you that I have degrees from Harvard and initials after my name and that my insight comes from the academic world and years of study. But I can’t. Instead, what I can tell you is that every day for almost twenty years I have sat at the feet of the most humble individual ever to walk the face of the earth, listening, learning and leaning in to gain further insight.

I have sat with Jesus…

In December of 2000, everything in my spiritual journey began to change. My mother died. Praying over her body in the casket was the first time I really saw the separation of the physical body and the spirit. I realized that which made her laugh and love was no longer present. It was her spirit, I determined, that made her who she was. Not until years later did I gain a more complete understanding of that moment.

Shortly thereafter, I returned to the dental field to help a colleague manage his practice. Months later I was still grieving and feeling tired. Tired from striving for success and tired from managing a staff of women who were often at odds with one another. But as I drove home from the office one night, I reached the end of myself. I descended the exit ramp from the toll road as I did each evening, and suddenly I heard myself saying, “Father, I am burned out and broken. I am tired of having to plan everything myself and tired of manipulating others to get things done.”

In that moment, I surrendered. Everything. It was the last five percent I had clung to for so many years that I was finally willing to let go of. Like so many others, I was fearful of giving up total control, but I felt done, so I continued: “Whatever You want me to do, I will do. Wherever You want me to go, I will go.” After which I added the following caveat: “However, if You want me to go to ‘Africa,’ You tell Mike (my husband).” I figured I didn’t want to be the one to break that kind of news to him.

I had been a Christian for 29 years, but being a Christian doesn’t make one a disciple. One professes a belief and the other lives out a way of life. It’s like the difference between being religious versus being in relationship. As a Christian, I was faithfully religious—in church on Sunday mornings, Sunday nights, Wednesday nights, Saturday mornings and any other time that required attendance for the most current activity. But when I came home, my Bible was placed on the banister, only to be picked up again the next time I headed for the church building and another churchy event. There was a real disconnect between knowing about Jesus and knowing Jesus.

From that night on the toll road forward, I started pursuing a relationship with the One I had professed to love for so long. The following morning, I got up early to pray, but it didn’t work out so well. Having a teenager in the house and being up late made it difficult to stay awake as I began my prayers. The next morning, I decided to try praying with my eyes open. Again, another failed attempt. I was totally distracted by the things out of place in our living room and kitchen. So on the third morning, I decided to write out my prayers. The more I wrote, the more I listened. The more I listened, the more I heard. The more I heard, the more I wrote. I was on my way to developing an intimate relationship with the Greatest Influencer the world has ever known.

It changed my life and has left me astounded. Not primarily by what I have learned, but what I realized I never knew or understood. I have heard much truth, had even more questions and been convicted in so many ways that I no longer recognize myself as the woman I once was.

The One who was just my Savior became my Lord that night on the exit ramp, and there was no turning back. There was nothing more I wanted to do than to be His disciple and follow Him. To learn His ways, glean His truths and just sit in His presence. It was peace-giving and life-sustaining.

Though God didn’t call us to Africa, life didn’t get easier as I got to know Jesus more. In fact, just the opposite. I encountered serious health issues and our marriage hit incredible difficulties that almost destroyed it. But being in relationship with Jesus every day gave me the strength to persevere and allow Him to work in the midst of significant pain.

What I discovered was being a disciple of Jesus—having a day-to-day relationship and learning from Him—reframed everything about life. It changed my attitudes, actions and behavioral patterns. It changed my personality, pride and timidity. And most of all, it changed my choices and desires, because it changed me. He changed me. And He still changes me today as He continually awakens my heart to greater understanding of His Word.

Growing up in the church, many Christians say they have never experienced life transformation in the same way others do who come to faith as adults. But I believe becoming a disciple of Jesus is transformative for everyone. It changes you from the inside out as you grow in an ever-deepening relationship with Him.

If you haven’t surrendered the last five percent, I invite you to do so today and become an all-in disciple of Jesus. It will change your life. Every moment. Every day. #SurrenderTheLastFive